Healthcare Wisdom from "The Simpsons"

• Gaining 70lbs in order to go on disability and be able to work from home isn't worth it.

• Stuffing a crayon up your nose impedes brain function.

• "(You) wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if (you) just kept (your) finger out of there!"

• If you sever your thumb, and your HMO covers finger injuries, but not thumb injuries, consider going to an experienced Mob doctor.

• "The incision in the coronary artery must be made below the blockage! Below! "

• "Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"

• "The United States of America has got the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world."

• If, after having facial cosmetic surgery, a wall falls on your face, you will revert to your former ugly self.

• Hair retains the personality (and criminal proclivities) of its former owner.

• A human being can survive a combination of: morbid obesity; repeated stabbings in the eye; four simultaneous heart attacks; three strokes; being crushed by a candy machine; repeatedly falling from heights (roofs, cliffs, stairs); repeated back trauma; alcohol poisoning; snakebites; attacks by swarms of bees and various wild animals; being shot in the head four times by a nail gun; repeated physical beatings; being hit by a car; falling out of a moving car; electrocution; repeated cannonball strikes to the abdomen; being repeatedly set on fire; food poisoning; consumption of radioactive waste; coronary bypass surgery performed by an incompetent quack; alien abduction; having a crayon stuck in one's brain; and having a drawbridge close on one's head (as well as a few more miscellaneous conditions and surgeries).

• Canadians can get free prescription drugs at pharmaceutical bulk barns.

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