It Ain't Reality TV!

Medical dramas such as ER, Grey's Anatomy, House M.D., and Scrubs offer great entertainment. However, they don't always offer the most accurate portrayal of a doctor's working life. See if you can guess which shows inspired the following observations.

• Despite a 60-hour workweek, you will still have plenty of time for drinking, socializing, romance, heartbreak, and other personal dramas.

• Doctors only date and befriend other doctors, and never interact with anyone who is not a patient, coworker, or family member.

• Struggling with a difficult diagnosis or personal dilemma? Pay close attention to everything your patients say or do, because one of them will inevitably (albeit accidentally) help you resolve the problem.

• Workplace elevators make great kissing booths.

• The on call room is primarily used for staff members' romantic trysts.

• It's better to have a lovers' quarrel in the hospital waiting room than in the privacy of your own home.

• It's OK to confide your romantic woes and personal problems to your patients, because they will always respond with insightful advice and will never complain about your lack of professionalism.

• All of your personal scandals will immediately become public knowledge around the hospital.

• Telling people that you're a doctor automatically makes them trust you.

• Patients who have a mysterious illness will always suffer a heart attack, stroke, or respiratory arrest before they can be correctly diagnosed.

• Patients who are annoying, immoral, promiscuous, have a criminal record, or are otherwise not sympathetic characters have a higher risk of death.

• It's not necessary to diagnose the patient before starting treatment.

• If anybody in your family has a medical problem, they will invariably arrive at your hospital during your shift.

• Heaping witty insults on your patients will not get you out of clinic duty.

• Despite safety precautions, one staff member will inevitably catch a life-threatening illness from a patient and need to be quarantined.

• It's OK to break into patients' homes in order to identify the cause of their illness.

• You can set up an apartment in the hospital basement and live there for years without attracting anyone's attention.

• Breaking hospital rules, safety codes, and the law will not end your medical career.

• Within a year, you may encounter the black plague, candiru (a parasitic fish that can become lodged in a person's urethra), a woman with two uteruses (uterus didelphys), and other rare medical conditions. For some interesting reading, check out WebMD's TV Checkup blog, which evaluates the credibility of the medical scenarios presented on popular TV shows.

• Train wrecks, ferry boat accidents, terrorist attacks, and natural disasters tend to occur during TV sweeps week.

It Ain't Reality TV!

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Sheng Wang

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